I’m reminded of this joke that goes “Why are men so bad at parallel parking?”
Because they’ve utterly convinced themselves that this ” ======================== ” is six inches.
Well now we’re all expected to be experts at judging 6 feet, and I don’t hold out much hope for guys getting it right. Or the women who actually believe them. Oh boy, we are in some serious trouble with those kinds of number đ
The Math: Average Penis Size Social Distancing
72 inches / 6 inches = 12 Dick Lengths
If your dick is indeed six legitimate inches, then you need to keep a 12-length radius clear around you everywhere you go. That’s right, TWELVE. Using your penis size as a distance indicator when you have to multiply it so many times is no doubt going to lead to errors in judgment. I mean, we all know that when it comes to assessing your own dick dimensions, you’re always going to overestimate. Do your best to account for that, Mr. Dollar Dick. These things are important!
The Math:Â Small Penis Size Social Distancing
72 inches / 4 inches = 18 Dick Lengths
You guys are basically fucked with the high number of dick lengths it takes to make up six feet. In fact, the amount is so crazy that this is not a good ‘rule of thumb’ for you at all. Heh, thumb…some of you are barely that big! So I’ll be generous and use four inches as the standard small penis measurement. That adds up to EIGHTEEN dick lengths to follow the current rules of social distancing. To make up for the obvious ’rounding errors’ you are likely to make, you should aim to eyeball it at 20-25 lengths. Yes, I mean it. Especially since many of you teenie weenie guys are rounding up to four inches in the first place!
The Math:Â Big Penis Size Social Distancing
72 inches / 9 inches = 8 Dick Lengths
Now we’re talking! It’s much easier to judge just 8 dick lengths between you and the next person in line than it is to judge 12 average or, yuck, 18 pathetic little ones! You guys have no excuse for getting it wrong if you’re using your big beautiful cock as a way to guesstimate whether or not you’re following the current rules of social engagement. Even if you round up 1/4 or even 1/2 inch (because no one ever rounds down, lol), you’ll be close enough to the correct distance for it to ‘count’. Kudos to you for having a decent distancing stick in your pants!
Dick Disclaimer
This post is clearly for your erotic entertainment only. However, just to be ultra-clear, do NOT – I repeat, do NOT – whip out your dick and use it to check the accuracy of the placement of six-foot space markings on the floor of your local supermarket. I’m sure someone out there will, but I just want to make sure it’s not one of YOU!
Oh Claire, itâs a two step process â the guy needs to measure his dick against a dollar bill. Take note of the ratio then do the do the âpace offâ using dollar bills as adjusted by the above ratio. Q.E.D.
You have higher expectations of the mathematical capabilities of a man with a hard-on than I do, hehe!
To quote a lyric out of “A Chorus Line” — which I first saw on Broadway in 1980 with Bebe Neuwirth as Sheila — “that I can do — I can do that.”
I don’t even make the 4-inch rule!!! omg
btw, did you see the school kids in China wearing the hats with 3 foot rulers on each side to indicate social-distancing lengths? hmmmmm, i could do the same with a 3-inch ruler on each side, ha!
Oh sissy greggie, three inches?? Now I know why you’re such a happy little sissy cumeaters!
My little weenie requires 36 dick lengths to be at the 6 foot rule. Its embarrassing.
Sounds like you have a micropenis – under 2.7″. Not too many of those around, you are a “king” amongst the Teeny Peenies!
LOL Oh Claire! This is the best! ha ha ha ha “DO NOT WHIP OUT” haha haha
Well you just know *someone* is going to try to get away with it, insisting that “mistress made me do it” when really they just want to walk around with their dingaling hanging out, bleh.
Dear Claire,
I really like this post! With my tiny weenie at 3 in., using your “Penis Size Social Distancing” length, I have 24 “Dick Lengths”. I think that I wil need to call in for another “dose” of SPH. đ
Thank you for this fantastic post!