So today is somehow National Jerky Day – who knew we needed a special occasion to celebrate your shriveled meat!! I’m sure it’ll come as no surprise that this ‘holiday’ was concockted by Jack Links Beef Jerky in 2012, and they had a 50% deal on their site earlier today, lol. Anyway, I prefer to interpret it as Jerk Off Your Meat Day. And even if you’re a fan of this truck stop staple, you’d probably prefer an excuse to glorify jerking off anyway, am I right??

Jerky Celebration

I’ve already celebrated by eating a Slim Jim – Giant size, of course. I am, after all, a modest size queen. I’m not even joking, I’ve loved the original Slim Jim for decades. Make of that what you will, since I know you’re already having fun picturing me with long, slick wrinkly meat dangling from my glossy red lips. But I’m guessing you haven’t been so diligent in celebrating lesser-known red-letter days in June (hint: Sunday is Flag Day!). So I’ve come up with a few ideas for you…

Jerky Jerk-Off Assignment Ideas

  1. Get the really spicy jerky, like peppered or Thai seasoned, and position a few pieces right at your butthole. Don’t put them in because you don’t want to fish them out!! Now find a thong or give yourself a wedgie in your tightie whities to hold them in place as long as you can stand it and feel the burrrrn.
  2. Orally talented? Get a dozen Slim Jims, bundle them together and go down on them. They’re greasy, so they should slip between your lips pretty easily!
  3. You know I have a thing for getting a man to eat his own cum, so you can probably figure out what I want you to sauce your meat with. Go on, that stuff is dry, you’ll be making it more palatable 😉

You are of course welcome to come up with your own way to honor Jerky Jerk Off Day, but you have to leave it in the comments. I promise I’ll enjoy your creativity!