I discovered a new kink word! The polyamory community has a popular angle on their escapades called “compersion”, which makes a LOT of sense. It’s a positive, empathetic response to watching your partner experience great sexual pleasure…with someone else. They consider compersion a form of love rather than kink, but I think it’s a delicious crossover between the two!

Not being polyamorous myself*, I perceive it as a highly stimulating combination of voyeurism, cuckolding and connection. And I would argue there’s gotta be a lot of confidence in the bedrock of your relationship to have both this desire and reaction. Otherwise, as I mentioned in this post about the overlap between a threesome and cuckoldry, it’s more of a hot-wife-as-porn-star dynamic.

The First Time I Heard About Compersion

I had a conversation once with a flirty, long-term massage client about his dating experiences and dealbreakers. While I could tell the guy was highly sexual, I wasn’t really expecting anything kinky to come out of his mouth. Lo and behold, it was the first time (but certainly not the last) that I heard a man say, “I’d be okay with her having sex with a well-hung guy as long as I could watch, I really want to see her experience extreme pleasure and satisfaction.” He didn’t know the term cuckold, used no kink vocabulary, so I figured that this came from a sincere desire rather than a porn-inspired curiosity.

I mention “the first time” because there have been other instances where that exact scenario has been expressed – starring me, of course. For better or worse (you decide!), these men bring it up on the first or second date, like it’s a key selling point for coupling up with them. A hint for those of you who want this kind of cuckolding: it only works with someone you’re committed to. Bringing it up while the woman hasn’t even decided if she wants to have sex with you yet – big nope. It will lead her to conclude that a) you suck in bed, or b) your primary interest in her is fantasy fulfillment. And she would be right.

Compersion comes from a deeply intimate place, and while you may know that you always feel this way about the woman in your life, that’s not what it sounds like in the getting-to-know-you phase. But by all means, if this is a dealbreaker for you, bring it up early – deceit sucks, and you know it because….

Eroticized Cheating ➡️ Compersion?

Nearly half of my cuckold callers have been cheated on by their wives, and it ended the marriage. You would think that would give them an aversion to the cuckolding kink, but some dirty little part of them was ultimately aroused by the way she prioritized her sexual pleasure. On some deep level, he suspected his sexual performance or anatomy was at best ordinary, and more likely inadequate. And those that didn’t catch their wives in flagrante would give their left nut to do that now, lol. I wonder how much of that comes from a semi-altruistic desire to see what she looks and sounds like when getting the pounding she deserves – and he couldn’t provide.

Sadly, I don’t know enough about compersion to say what the male-female split is for who enjoys watching the sex v. having the sex. I suspect it largely falls in favor of the woman getting all the action, while the husband overwhelmingly enjoys getting turned on by watching his wife with her lover and feeling the echo of her exceptional orgasms.

I hope this very nuanced kink education piece hasn’t made either of your heads hurt too much. Just know that I’m more than happy to roleplay your willing and kinky wife!

* While not polyamorous, I do believe in “hall passes” because some opportunities should not be missed in this one life we get!